Emotional Regulation with STOP

Emotional Regulation with STOP

Many people come to counselling with concerns about anxiety. It’s such a common complaint, and yet the person experiencing anxiety can often feel completely isolated and alone. One can feel like no one else has ever experienced this crushing feeling that can overtake your life. Unfortunately, anxiety isn’t something that shows on the outside. On the inside it feels like everything is collapsing. 

There are a few things that can be done, but the most important one is emotional regulation. By emotional regulation, I don’t mean that you swallow your emotions or ignore them. Part of regulation is acknowledging that you have those feelings. They need to feel heard. They are not you, but they can be strong, and they do affect you. 

One tool to emotionally regulate is the acronym STOP. 

S – Stop – if you are feeling that your emotions are taking over, pause, Don’t move. Just freeze all your muscles. This helps prevent you from acting without thinking. That’s what your emotions want you to do. You can stay in control. You are the boss of your emotions. Name that emotion that is trying to take over. 

T- Take a step back – Give yourself time to think about the situation. Get some perspective by taking a step back, recognizing what your stuck point is and reminding yourself that you are in control. Your emotions don’t control what you do. It’s very rare that a split-second decision is necessary so it’s ok to take our time to think things over. 

O - Observe – Look at what is happening around you, who is involved, and what others are doing or saying. Remember that your automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) are automatic, but not necessarily correct. To make effective choices we must NOT jump to conclusions. Gather the relevant facts, understand what is going on, and examine the available options. 

P - Proceed Mindfully – Mindfulness is the state of mind of being conscious or aware of things. Meaning that when you proceed mindfully you are fully in the current moment, in your body and experiencing what is going on in the current moment. You are able to ask yourself ‘What do I want from this situation?’, ‘What are my goals?’ or what act will allow for success?’. Stay calm, stay in control, and stay present. Rember your brain needs time to think all this through. Give yourself that time, even if it means telling the other people involved that you need half an hour to absorb the information and get back to them.