When your mind runs away with you and pulls you into a loop going over events or negative thoughts you can feel like there is no escape from your own brain. Rumination can occur after a negative experience. If you think of your brain like a field and your thoughts are a person walking on the field, the more you walk one way, the more worn the pathway becomes. The first time the person walks that way, the grass springs up after they pass, but the more frequently they walk that way, the path becomes more cemented. That grass stops springing back up, and eventually, the grass doesn’t grow anymore and it becomes a well-worn path. This is rumination. Going over the same thoughts again and again until every time you experience a feeling related to that path, you start walking that path. Your thoughts automatically jump to that path.
Dealing with rumination can be difficult because it can become so automatic that you don’t even notice where your thoughts are going until they are already there. The first step to stopping ruminating thoughts is to recognize them for what they are. Thoughts that have been triggered by experiences, other people and circumstances that are familiar to ones that you have experienced before, especially in negative situations.
Our brains are hardwired to hold on to negative experiences in order to protect us from making the same choices that led us to that negative experience. The problem is that holding on to those experiences doesn’t let us move forward with our lives. This isn’t to say that we should forget all the negative things that happen. Just that we need to learn from them, and if there is nothing to be learned from the experience it needs to be laid to rest.
Thinking of negative experiences can re-traumatize us and make it more difficult for us to move on.
So how do we stop ruminating?
Distract yourself
Call a family member or friend and get them to talk about things that are ordinary
Watch a movie
Read a book
Listen to a podcast
Exercise
Start a hobby
Make a plan
If you are in the middle of a project and are struggling with it break it down
Write down each step
Be specific
Tackle one small task at a time
If the task seems too large, you haven’t broken it down enough
Assess what you can and cannot change
If you are thinking about the past, you know it can’t be changed so how can you affect your future? Think about focusing on what you can control and how you can make your future better.
If there really isn’t a way for you to change anything then maybe it’s not worth thinking about
Get the story out of your mind
This can mean journaling
Talking to a friend
Drawing what happened
Whatever creative outlet you need to get that story out of your head so you can set it aside allows you to free up some mind space for better thoughts
Change your location
Go somewhere you’ve been happy before,
Go somewhere new
Go somewhere you have always wanted to
It doesn’t have to be far away a few blocks can be a change of scenery
Get some perspective
When we ruminate it’s often because we’ve made a mistake, or when we feel that we’ve been wronged.
Try to see the situation from a new perspective
Ask someone for some honest feedback on how you could have done things differently
Remember another time that something similar happened and how it turned out. This can be an opportunity to change the outcome.
Apologize if appropriate
Alternatively, if it's something that needs rectifying, what is the best way to do that?
Readjust your goals
Perfectionism and pressure go hand in hand - sometimes it’s better to readjust your goals in order to make them more realistic and take pressure off of you so you are able to move forward
Do something to enhance your self-esteem
Review your strengths and understand that you have worth
Easier said than done, but it’s worth taking time to convince yourself that you are valued. This allows you to give grace to yourself and others when things happen that you might otherwise ruminate on.
To increase your self-esteem
Do something for yourself - take care of yourself
Do something that you are good at and you like doing
Make a list of successes
Forgive your mistakes
Try meditation
Simple breathing exercises for 30 seconds can calm you down and take you out of fight or flight mode, allowing you to step back and see a different perspective.
Understand your triggers
Knowing why these feelings are coming up is important as it allows you to take a step back and see if the situation is actually similar to a prior one, or if it is your mind that is treading a well-worn path.
Everyone experiences rumination at one point in their life, the trick is not to allow it to color the rest of the events in your life.