Embracing the Circle of Control

Life can feel overwhelming, especially when we're faced with challenges outside of our control. Whether it's global events, the actions of others, or the unpredictability of the future, anxiety tends to creep in when we focus on what we cannot change. This feeling of helplessness can leave us stuck in a cycle of doom and worry, unable to find a way out. I find that when I get caught in these headspaces, simply remembering the Circle of Control helps me feel more empowered and level-headed.

The Circle of Control is a helpful tool that can guide us in distinguishing between what we can control, what we can influence, and what’s simply beyond our control. Using this tool exercise is a realistic way to ground ourselves when stress or anxiety becomes overwhelming. It teaches us to redirect our focus, take purposeful action, and build resilience by focusing on what we actually have power over. 

The Three Circles: Control, Influence, and Concern

Imagine three concentric circles. In the center is the Circle of Control, the space where we have direct influence. This includes our thoughts, actions, and behaviors. While we can’t always control the thoughts that pop into our minds, we do have the power to decide what we do with those thoughts. Do we engage with them and let them fuel negative self-talk, or can we choose to let unhelpful thoughts go? 

The second circle, the Circle of Influence, represents things we can influence but not fully control. This includes situations like the outcome of a job interview, the way a friend responds when you set a boundary, or how others react to your suggestions or ideas. While we can’t change others or control how they perceive us, we do have influence over the outcome through our responses. Our actions, tone, and attitude can shape how a situation unfolds, even if we can’t directly change how people behave or view us.

Finally, the Circle of Concern contains everything we have no control over - past events, the weather, or the actions of others. This is the largest circle, and it often contains the things that cause the most anxiety. It's easy to get lost here, fixating on what we can't change, but it's crucial to recognize that our energy is wasted in this space.

The Value of Focusing on What You Can Control

When we're faced with stress or anxiety, it’s easy to become fixated on the outer circle, the things we can't control. Worrying about the future, the behavior of others, or events outside of our immediate reach can drain our mental energy and intensify feelings of hopelessness. But when we invest too much of ourselves into the Circle of Concern, we become less equipped to cope with the things we can control.

This is where the Circle of Control comes in handy. By shifting our focus to what we can actually influence, we begin to regain a sense of agency and empowerment. This simple shift in attention can have a big impact, helping to reduce stress and anxiety by reminding us of the power we have over our own actions and responses.

Strategies for Applying the Circle of Control

Below are some steps you can take to incorporate the Circle of Control principles into your life:

Clarify Your Circle of Control

When things feel overwhelming, start by recognizing what’s truly within your control. Ask yourself questions like:

Am I focusing on the things I can influence, or am I getting lost in what I can't change?

How can I take care of myself in this moment, even if I can’t control the situation?

Can I take action on this, or is this beyond my control?

Am I reacting impulsively, or is there a way I can communicate more thoughtfully to influence the outcome?

Set Boundaries with Your Focus

One way to stay grounded in your Circle of Control is by setting boundaries around where you place your focus. If you notice yourself spiraling over things outside of your control—like other people's behavior or global events—gently redirect your attention to what you can influence. For example, while we can't control the fact that we live in a fast-paced, demanding world that often makes it hard to carve out time for ourselves, we can control how we choose to spend the little spare time we do have. Are we truly enjoying our downtime, or are we mindlessly scrolling through social media for hours? By being more intentional with our time, we can make small, meaningful changes that align with our values and well-being.

Take Small, Purposeful Actions

In times of uncertainty, anxiety often grows from inaction, leaving us feeling stuck in a state of powerless paralysis. The key to breaking free from this is to focus on small, manageable actions within your Circle of Control. These actions don’t have to be big to be effective, sometimes, it’s the smallest steps that help us regain a sense of agency. For example:

Take a 10-minute walk outside to help clear your mind and reset your energy.

Make a to-do list of things you can accomplish today, even if they’re simple tasks, like taking a shower. 

Reach out to someone positive for a brief check-in to foster connection.

By taking action, no matter how small, you shift out of that feeling of paralysis and reclaim your ability to make choices. These steps might seem basic, but they help break the cycle of overwhelm and restore a sense of control, even during difficult moments.

Reframe Your Thoughts
It’s easy to get trapped in the mindset of “I can’t control this,” which often only deepens feelings of helplessness. Instead, try reframing your thoughts to bring the focus back to what is within your control. For example:

“I can’t control what others do, but I can control how I respond.”

“I can’t change the past, but I can choose to learn from it and move forward.”

“I can’t change the state of the world, but I can contribute to change in small, meaningful ways.”

Reframing doesn’t ignore the challenges we face, it helps us see them through a lens of agency. By shifting our focus to what we can control, we reassert our power and regain a sense of direction, even in the face of uncertainty.

Accept What You Can’t Control

Acceptance is a powerful tool. When you acknowledge that some things are out of your control, you can release the mental burden of trying to change them. This acceptance allows you to conserve energy for things that are within your control.

Shift Your Energy to Your Circle of Influence

While you can’t control everything, you can influence many things, especially through your interactions with others. Outcomes aren’t always guaranteed, but the way we engage with our Circle of Influence still holds power. For example:

How can your attitude or mindset shift the tone of a conversation?

How can you model the behavior or values you’d like to see in your relationships or community?

How can you manage your reactions to reduce conflict or promote understanding in a challenging situation?

By recognizing the power of your influence, you not only feel more empowered but also more connected to the people and situations around you. 

The Circle of Control is a powerful reminder that, even when life feels chaotic, we still have choice and agency. We may not be able to control everything, but we do have the power to decide where we invest our energy. Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to pause and ask yourself: What’s in my Circle of Control? By focusing on that, you’ll reclaim your sense of agency and take meaningful steps toward a more grounded, balanced life. By directing your energy to what you can change, you’re more likely to see positive outcomes, instead of getting stuck in the frustration of what you can’t control.

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