Visiting Family; Preemptive Self-care

Have you moved away from home? Are you heading back to visit shortly? Is a family holiday coming up? As an adult of any age, going home to be with family is not always a perfectly happy experience. Oftentimes, society can influence us to think that we need to enjoy every moment with our families and feel excited to go visit them. This simply is not always the case. We need to know that it is okay if you do not feel that way. 

Perhaps you like visiting for a period of time, but not a whole weekend. Perhaps you enjoy time with some of your family members, but certain ones you do not always trust. As an adult you may have moved on from childhood issues, perform well at your jobs, and are high-functioning members of society in every sense of the word, but when it comes to family, it can still send you into a reverted state of being. This can be frustrating, disheartening, and emotionally taxing. 

Growing up we experience nearly two decades of interactions during our development into adulthood. These can be shaping both positively and otherwise. No matter how long you have been away, when you revisit scenarios similar to these moments, it is nearly impossible not to feel related feelings again. 

What can you do to help yourself? 

• Environment: Be aware of where you are staying. Can you adjust your home environment in any way? Can you change the room or the house that you're staying in? Have you considered staying at your aunt's house, or a best friend's house for example? It's understandable that this could cause some potential drama within the family that you are changing the 'norm' of what has been done. For example, you could say that a friend needs your help with her new baby over the weekend, but you'll see them at the family dinner. This helps them know, you want to be there for the important family gathering, but allows you to have a protected safe haven. 

Comforting items - What can you pack to bring the comforts of home with you? A journal, a book, some tea, a product - anything that helps you feel grounded and calm. 

Emotional support - If something comes up, is there someone you trust who knows where you are and will answer your call? They'll know to answer the phone and be there for you. You may not need to call them at all - and that would be great, but knowing that they are available for you is setting yourself up for success. 

• Self-care: Diet - Vacations often involve eating foods that are different from your regular diet and more of them. This can lead to your body feeling bloated or uncomfortable. Can you have some fresh fruits and veggies purchased or packed somewhere to snack on? Having these easy-to-reach snacks may lead to you feeling healthier and supported - that you thought of yourself before you were in a state of hunger and without better options. Hydration - Are you drinking enough water? Water is going to keep you feeling refreshed and alive. Keep your biological ability to flush, and prevent stagnation. This is especially relevant if you are travelling via plane or a long car ride. Your body will thank you.Physical Movement - What is a calming movement you like to do? Is it a walk outside, or some yoga in the living room? Taking care of your body and helping it feel good will lead to an improved mood. Sleep - Are you getting enough sleep? Often during a group holiday - you are on a shared schedule, not according to only your needs. Getting as much sleep as you can during these times will lead you to feel more capable of handling the day ahead - all the good and otherwise. A rested mind will be able to think more clearly about it all. Downtime - No matter if you're an extrovert or an introvert, having some downtime built into largely social weekends is going to be helpful for you. This will give you some time to relax, recharge, and process the events of the day. 

Pre-booked Counselling Session - Lastly, if you have a counsellor, consider having an appointment pre-booked for when you get back home. Knowing that they have an hour reserved for you, whether something comes up or not for you - it will be good to know that you have this support set up for yourself. Future you will thank you.

These are some suggestions for how to help yourself when you are away from home and visiting family. If you have others - consider implementing them more mindfully into your travel routine.