Affordable Counselling with Supportive Services

Technology and online communication plays an integral role in interpersonal relationships of the modern day. With the emergence of dating applications such as Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble over the past decade, it has afforded people more opportunities to explore romantic and intimate relationships easily and at higher frequencies than ever. The online world can lead to people feeling more connected and simultaneously more disconnected. By 2016, almost 60% of young adults (under 34), know someone who has tried online dating. A third of people know someone who have had a positive online dating experience that has turned into a long-term relationship. Online dating combined with technology has created a unique increase in cognitive load for individuals engaging at this stage in life.

Ghosting is the phenomenon of cutting off all communication technologically and in-person avenues as a way to end a relationship or time of dating, seemingly without an explanation whatsoever. This can happen gradually or all of a sudden, but it is a significant change to a previously existing pattern of communication. A key characteristic of ghosting is having no closure, and unfollowing them on all technological social networks. Ghosting may be considered a relatively new term, but the techniques involved are not. Bilateral ghosting is possible, where both people exit without a word, but unilateral ghosting is more common. This is where it is not a mutual feeling to end the connection.

Studies found that more than half of the sample had relationships end this way. There are varied statistics, though. In 2014, 13% of people have been ghosted, and 11% have ghosted someone. In comparison, a convenience sample said 96% of participants had experienced elements of ghosting during separation of some sort. Despite the large range of data, what is clear is that it is happening.

One positive perception of ghosting as an appropritate break up strategy is related to destiny and growth, being that a relationship will work because it is supposed to. It involves less confrontation, avoidance, withdrawal, and a way of de-escalating. Alternatively, ghosting is associated with avoidance or withdrawal.

Motives and justifications for ghosting include convenience, attractiveness, a negative interaction, relationship state, and safety. Interestingly, ghosting more frequently occurred during the transitional phase of a connection when the time of defining the relationship arrived. The ghoster may perceive this as a safe or easy way to dissolve a relationship, but it is usually about avoiding confrontation or conflict. Behind a screen can feel like a protective barrier. The number one reason the ghoster acted this way is disinterest. It is reflective of the stage of early adulthood characterized by instability, change, and a focus on self. It can serve as a way for individuals to establish their independence and autonomy. The ghoster may not have a complete disinterest in the ghostee, and instead may be showcasing their inability to communicate transparently or process emotions maturely.

Overall, the perceived psychological effects seem to be positive for the ghoster. Being the one who has been ghosted can lead to negative feelings about yourself, others, and relationships in general. It has a more negative impact than just rejection alone.

Two ways of ending a romantic connection:

Direct:

Direct ways of ending a relationship are considered to be more compassionate, and decrease negative outcomes for the recipient in comparison to being indirect. Explaining to your partner why you want to break up would be considered an open confrontation. The disengager can highlight the positive aspects of the relationship and take all the blame for the break-up.

Indirect

Avoidance/withdrawal - avoiding contact and disclosing little information to your date.
Behaviorual de-escalation - involves gradual less involvement with the relationship without begin direct about one's wants to end things.

However your relationship with someone does end, it is integral that you take good care of yourself. You cannot control how others behave, but you can control how you treat yourself. Getting lots of rest, reaching out to friends you trust, and engaging in good self-care is a must. How do you like to get out stress or process an influx of emotions? Do you like to go to the gym, walk, talk with friends, cook healthy food, or maybe take a sauna? These are all ideas on how to move through uncomfortable emotions. In reflection, we know that the ghoster was never meant for you in the first place. It is a shame they chose to disengage in that way, but in honesty, it shows more about them than it does about you. Treat others how you would want to be treated, and in time, choose to engage healthily with future connections. You will be stronger once you get through this - be kind to you.

The Phenomenon of Ghosting Help, I Have Been Ghosted

Two ways of ending a romantic connection: