Have You Checked In With Your Emotional Consent?

When we hear the word consent, we are accustomed to using it in relation to physical boundaries. What is emotional consent? 

Emotional consent referrals to the permission we give or receive regarding emotional sharing, intimacy, and being vulnerable. Emotional consent is overlooked and not discussed much; however, it is so important in our everyday life. Emotional consent ensures that we are respected, and we respect the mental and emotional well-being of others, the same way we would with physical consent. 

When we talk about emotional consent, we want to make sure that we do not assume that others are open and willing to engage in certain emotional topics or level of emotional intimacy without them express their agreement. 

Do you remember a time where you met a friend, or a partner and they trauma dumped on you or expressed too much emotional details where you felt blown away? Did you ever think to yourself, wait a minute, I never said I was ready to hear this! 

Do you ever ask someone if they are ready to hear about your day or event that is emotional or intimate?

Why is emotional consent important?

Well, it helps place respect for boundaries and vulnerability. We are all different creatures where some of us share too much and some of us barely share anything. Emotional consent helps us understand others and recognize their comfort level of listening and emotional availability. 

Emotional consent also promotes healthier communication, encourages people to express their emotional needs and limits, avoiding misunderstanding or feelings of being overwhelmed. Understanding emotional consent can also help us establish a trusted relationship where we feel safe, validated, and appreciated. When we have emotional consent to share, we are heard better and validated appropriately. We can then build a trusted, stronger, healthier, and essential relationships with different individuals on different levels such as partners, family members, friends or co-workers. 

Sometimes, we are not in the right state or mind and have so much going on but are also pressured to support someone else as they express a heavy emotional topic. This can cause emotional burn out and can lead to unhealthy emotional and mental state but also can create gaps in relationships where we either try to avoid others or overreact. 

Have you ever thought of saying “not right now” without feeling bad or guilt?

Practicing Emotional Consent?

• Ask: Before you start discussing deep topics, ask! “is this a good time to share something serious?”, “Do you have the mental capacity to listen to a serious topic?” “Do you think you have time now or later to talk about something I am struggling with or experiencing?” “Can I share something about me that might be overwhelming or traumatic?” 
• Listen: Listen to their response, body language, and reaction. Respect their wish if they say, “not now”. Do not take it seriously or get offended, model healthy reaction and behavior. 
• Boundaries: Make sure you learn your boundaries, understand your own emotional boundaries and enhance your self-awareness to learn whether you are in the right state or mind and ready to listen or not. 
• Communicate: Learn how to communicate positively your boundaries. If you don’t feel ready or in the right head space for a deep conversation, be honest and set your boundaries. You can say things like “I am sorry, it’s not the right time right now, can we talk about this later today or tomorrow?” 
• Checking in: If you are having an emotional conversation with someone and you feel that you shared intense feelings or events, follow up with this person. Thank them for listening and ask about their well-being showing that you care about them. 

Remember, consent is not only physical, but also emotional. It is not necessarily just about asking whether we can share or not, it is also to ensure that there is a safe space for the intense emotions to be shared where we feel empowered. Ask yourself every day, am I ready to listen to someone’s intense topic today? How can I say no without feeling guilty?