Self-Reflection: An integral part of Growth

You try something, it doesn't work, and maybe people even criticize you. In a fixed mindset, you say, 'I tried this, it's over.' In a growth mindset, you look for what you've learned.

-Carol S Dweck

There are so many benefits to self-reflection. You can learn from your experiences, you can solidify your sense of self, you can improve your sense of control, make better decisions, and understand a greater sense of accountability. All of these contribute to your personal growth. 

Examining what you have learned from your past experiences and asking yourself what you could have done differently allows you to make better decisions in the future. It also allows you to understand what the relevant choices were and where you came from. It allows you to understand others better, as you see yourself in a new light. 

Self-reflection and rumination are not the same thing. Self-reflection allows for growth, and is a thought process filled with compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Rumination does not allow for growth as it sticks you in a loop; often leading to thoughts of victimization, self-criticism, anger, hate and pity. When you reflect, you accept that you aren’t a perfect human being and you allow yourself to make mistakes. You make a commitment to yourself to do better in the future. You learn. You grow. You allow yourself to meet the challenges of life head on, and accept that you make the best decisions you can in the moment. You learn and you move forward, not forgetting the past but allowing it to be a part of your story. A past chapter. One that you can move on from.  You accept that you only have control over yourself, and can only affect the future. The past is done and cannot be undone, but the future is possibility and hope. 

Questions to ask yourself

• What were the pivotal moments of a situation? How could I have acted differently for a better outcome?

• What do I want to contribute to the world?

• What are my gifts and strengths? 

• What are my weaknesses? 

• How can I turn my weaknesses into strengths?

• Is it worth learning and improving my weaknesses? 

• How do I want to treat others?

• How do I want to be treated?

• What do I want more of in life?

• What do I want less of in life?

• What would I improve in my life? 

• What actions can I take to improve my life?

• What am I passionate about?

• What matters to me?

• What makes me feel alive?

• What is working well in my life?

• What doesn’t work well?

• What am I grateful for? 

• What do I regret? What steps can I take to let that regret stay in the past?

• What beliefs do I have that hold me back? (I’m not good at…. so I won’t do/be/etc…..)

• Am I doing what makes me happy?

• What could I have done differently today?

• Am I taking anyone/thing for granted?

What’s the best way to start self-reflecting? Pick a quiet spot and think about your day. Answer the questions above and journal your answers, voice record them, draw/paint/collage them, talk to a friend about them (find a reflection partner) or just think about them. Allow yourself to process your emotions surrounding events and then take a step back and look at the situation objectively to fully understand everyone’s part they played and where you could have changed the direction of the interaction. Acknowledge that everyone had a part to play in the scenario. Forgive yourself for being human and not always reacting the way that best fits your values. Be self -compassionate and understanding. Everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes. 

With a fixed mindset, you're so worried about how smart or talented you are, you don't take on challenges. You don't try new things.

-Carol S. Dweck