Handling Grief: Losing a Loved One While Living Far From Home
Associate Therapist, Colleen Tierney
January 22, 2025
Grief is one of life’s most challenging experiences. Losing a loved one—whether suddenly or after a prolonged illness is never easy. The pain can be overwhelming, even more so when you are physically far from home and family. Navigating grief from afar brings unique challenges, but there are ways to care for yourself and remain connected to your loved ones during this difficult time.
Acknowledge the Weight of Grief
Grief manifests differently for everyone. Some may feel numb or overwhelmed, while others may experience waves of sadness interspersed with moments of calm. When you’re away from family, this emotional rollercoaster can feel isolating as it feels like no one around you is experiencing the same thing. Recognizing that your feelings are valid is essential. It’s okay if you don’t know exactly how to process everything at once. Grief is not a linear journey, but a deeply personal experience that unfolds over time.
Immediate Steps to Process Grief
When you receive devastating news, it can be helpful to:
Pause and Breathe: Take time to absorb the information. Be still and ground yourself through slow deep breaths.
Reach Out: Contact close family or friends to share your feelings. Even if you're far away, maintaining communication with those who love them as well can provide solace.
Move Your Body: Physical activity—whether a walk, light stretching, or even just stepping outside for fresh air can help release tension potentially caught in the body.
Journal Your Thoughts: Writing down your emotions can help clarify your feelings and offer a safe space for reflection. This can showcase some of the highs and lows of your thoughts. You can write positive memories about them, extreme sadness that is hard to share with someone, or any other feelings you may be experiencing. Thinking of the all the positives of their lives can be helpful to put things in perspective.
Navigating the Decision to Travel
One of the most challenging questions after losing a loved one is whether to return home immediately. While there’s no perfect answer, consider these factors:
Family Needs: Are you needed for family support during the medical difficulties of end of life, funeral planning? Instead, will travelling home for the funeral be better to support one another and be together to grieve and remember?
Personal Circumstances: How will your decision affect your mental, emotional, or financial well-being?
Logistics: Assess the feasibility of travel, considering both time and financial constraints. We wish we could do whatever is needed, and sometimes you need to - but life logistics are important to consider.
Ultimately, there’s no right or wrong decision. What matters most is making a choice that you can live with, and that honours your loved one’s memory.
Staying Connected When You Can’t Be There
If travelling home isn’t an option, finding meaningful ways to remain connected can ease feelings of distance and guilt:
Create a Tribute: Light a candle, share memories with loved ones, or create a digital photo album as a tribute. This helps you remember and it may feel nice to share as well.
Maintain Communication: Regular video calls or messages with family can provide comfort and a sense of togetherness as you move through the emotional experience.
Participate Virtually: Many families now live-stream funerals or memorial services. Is this an option in your case? Attending online can help you feel part of the communal mourning process.
Managing Life’s Obligations
Balancing grief with work, school, or other responsibilities can feel overwhelming. Here are some tips to help manage daily life:
Set Boundaries: Communicate your needs with employers, professors, or colleagues. Many will understand and accommodate. Let them know that there may be an upcoming need to travel with short notice. This will also let them know you may not be entirely yourself in your ability to handle workload, stress, or emotional challenges at work.
Prioritize Self-Care: Proper rest, nutrition, and hydration are crucial during emotional upheaval. Taking care of your physical health is paramount as you may feel numb and begin to neglect basic needs.
Seek Support: Professional counselling or support groups can offer valuable tools to navigate grief. Reach out to your counsellor or seek one out who feels competent in processing grief. Ensure it feels like a good match for you as your heart is very tender.
Helpful Techniques for Coping
Mindful Meditation: Consider using apps offering guided meditations tailored for grief.
Creative Outlets: Painting, music, or other creative expressions can serve as ways to process and express emotions.
Gratitude Practice: Acknowledge small positive moments in your day to help balance overwhelming emotions. It's one day at a time.
Books/Resources: Consider heading to the book store or library to read about grief. If you like or are open to reading, it can feel like good company and care to be redaign relevant and supportive material.
Be Kind to Yourself
Grief is uncharted territory for many of us. Allow yourself to feel, whether that means crying, reminiscing, or simply being still. You don’t need to have all the answers. By honouring your grief and being gentle with yourself, these are the first steps toward healing. Remember, you are not alone. Even from afar, your love and connection to your family and your loved one is not broken.