Dealing with Loss and Grief During the Holiday Season

December is here and the holiday season is in full swing. For some, that means drinking hot cocoa and driving around to look at the lights, curling up on the couch to watch a terrible Hallmark movie, or decorating your home and singing along to Christmas carols. For me, it just makes me miss my mom. 

Dealing with grief and loss is difficult no matter what day it is, but the holidays are one of the more difficult times of year to navigate after a loss. I still feel this strange conflict between wanting to join in on the festivities and the immense guilt for celebrating. The holiday season is not always as merry as we want it to be. It is normal to feel apprehensive about it and you are not alone in feeling that way. Grief is complicated and unique to each person. 

It's okay to set boundaries. Whether you choose to participate in events or not, do what feels right for you. Remember that two things can be true at once. You can really miss that person and find joy in the holiday season. You will experience both negative and positive feelings during the holidays while grieving, that is normal too.

Have self-compassion. Rather than trying to avoid negative emotions or numb them with drugs or alcohol, plan ahead. Put together a list of all your coping strategies and create a plan for each situation whether you are alone or in social situations. You never know when those feelings of grief are going to hit you. Grief is always evolving and at times the feelings seem to be out of our control. Some examples of coping skills are deep breathing, taking a walk, journaling, listening to music, practicing yoga, and saying positive affirmations.

Honor your traditions and share memories. This is a great way to honor and celebrate a lost loved one and keep their memory alive in the present. It is okay to make new traditions and know that making new memories will not erase the old ones. Here are some ideas about how to honor a lost loved one during the holidays:

Here are ideas for how to honor loved ones during the holidays:

• Set a place for them at the table

• Light a candle for them

• Say a prayer for them

• Make memorial ornaments or wreaths

• Make a favorite recipe of theirs

• Visit their grave site or place of rest

• Make a toast during a holiday meal in remembrance of them

• Make a donation in their memory to a cause that was important to them

• Set up a memory table and place pictures, mementos, and/or notes to your loved one

• Hang a stocking in memory of your loved one, and invite friends and family members to put notes to them inside

Most importantly, rely on your support system and ask for help when you need it. Knowing that you're not alone can make a world of difference. You're grieving because you've loved, have been loved and continue to love.