Consent means “Giving permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something”. Consent has become an essential topic that we hear in passing a lot, whether it is related to personal relationships, at work, or social interactions. It is important to understand and practice consent to keep ourselves and others safe and respected. Consent is a clear, affirmative, and a mutual agreement between individuals to engage in specific activities. It is to be given when a person is fully informed, has the capacity to give consent, and is free from pressure of fear.
It is not about signing a contract and having to stick to it! It’s about a mutual agreement and your comfort level. There are few things I want to remind you about consent before we dive more in that subject … Remember:
It’s informed: This means that lying, pressuring, or forcing with hidden intentions is not consent.
If you are under the influence or substance or alcohol and being pressured or forced to engage an any practices is not consent.
Just because you consented to one thing, does not mean you consented to everything else. If you consented to a hug or a kiss, does not give consent to more. You can communicate that clearly from the beginning.
Consent can be revoked, you can always reverse consent. Just because you consented once, does not mean you are obligated to consent again. You can stop any activity at any time, you are free to revoke your consent.
Giving consent is not just about saying no, it is about saying yes willingly and openly in both verbal and non-verbal ways. It should be given freely and voluntary, it is not to be forced upon anyone. Being silent and not saying yes, being unconscious, under the influence of alcohol or drugs, being coerced, intimidated, or not having a mental capacity to consent are all examples where consent is not valid and not taken into consideration.
Consent matters because it holds respect for individuals, their autonomy, dignity, and self-worth. It ensures that your personal boundaries are being honored and respected and that you have a choice in your interaction. It also helps all parties use communication to come up with a mutual agreement that suits both parties and have a healthier time together.
Imagine if consent was not present or dismissed, it can lead to violation in your rights, safety, and emotional and psychological safety which can cause long-lasting affects on you.
You might come across people who will laugh at you when you discuss consent, opr shame you! They should not have the capacity to impact you to amend your boundaries .. that is emotional pressure! Feel free to walk away if you feel pressures of unsafe.
In writing, this seems so easy, however, it is not as easy in real life if you have suffered from past experiences, if you feel emotional, you need to work on boundaries, and so many other reasons! There are different ways we can practice how to practice boundaries and communicate about consent, for example:
Normalize asking for consent and do not allow shame or guilt get in your way. Ask “is it okay if give you a hug?”
Respect the answer you receive, if they no, do not take it personal.
Educate yourself and your circle about consent.
Model asking for consent and having boundaries for others to learn from you.
Remember, consent is not just about intimacy or only between two people. If you book a session with me, I will need your consent! Your doctor, your supervisor at work, your friend, and so on.
Consent is your right .. don’t let anyone take that away from you!