Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. Two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. The key is not to fear or try to avoid conflict but to learn how to resolve it in a healthy way. Conflict is opportunity. Conflict shines a light on something that is not working, so use this opportunity to learn about yourself and others.
Being able to resolve conflict in a healthy way can enhance our problem-solving abilities, help us build good communication skills, promote self-awareness, and build relationships. Avoiding conflict and letting it go unresolved can be just as problematic as being confrontational or angry. This can chip away at our relationships and cause feelings of resentment. Conflict is not wrong or bad and it certainly doesn’t mean that you are failing, it is a natural part of the human experience. Consider the following the next time you find yourself in conflict.
Seek out the source of conflict. Identifying the root cause helps determine the path forward. Common sources of disagreements can include disagreements, stress, misunderstandings, personality differences, and differences of opinions. It is also important to acknowledge your role in the conflict as well.
Listen for feelings first, then facts. Conflict resolution requires verbal and non-verbal communication. Dealing with conflict comes with a lot of big emotions. Being an active listener and letting the other person let go of some of that emotional energy can lead to a more productive dialogue. Being an active listener requires you to be patient, focused, and present. Paraphrasing can also be very helpful. This can help them feel heard amd that their emotions are valid. This also allows you the opportunity to clarify that you understand the other person and are not making any assumptions. You will be able to gain a better understanding of what underlies the conflict.
Look for solutions. After getting each person’s viewpoint, the next step is to get them to identify how the situation could be resolved. This means steering the discussion away from finger pointing and toward ways of resolving the conflict by working together.
It's not about being right or winning. Try to look at the situation objectively, regardless of which side you are on. The focus should be working with the other person to determine what is right, not who is right. What is the best solution to move forward in a more productive way? Making sure that everyone feels heard and has their needs met. Most importantly, apologize if you need to.
Keep the matter contained. Conflict can escalate quickly and be toxic between family members and within partnerships. While it might feel good to vent to people outside the conflict, this can create “camp building” and inflame the conflict. Now the conflict has grown between two groups, rather than two people. This can make it much more difficult to resolve. While it may benefit you to get emotional support and advice from others, rely on someone outside the conflict that will keep what you say in confidence.