Accepting All Versions of Ourselves

Accepting All Versions of Ourselves

As we navigate life, we often find ourselves looking back at past versions of who we were. Whether it's reminiscing about a carefree time when things didn’t feel so serious, or remembering a version of ourselves who felt more confident, it’s easy to get caught up in comparing the “old” us with who we are now. This natural tendency to reflect on who we were can bring feelings of loss, confusion, grief, shame or even disembodiment as we face changes that leave us feeling disconnected from our former selves.

However, it’s crucial to remember that change is normal and an essential part of growth and the passing of time. The person you were yesterday, or even a few months ago, is no longer the person you are right now, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s something to be embraced and nurtured. Our ability to evolve is what allows us to learn, adapt, and experience new things. Rather than resisting change or endlessly mourning old versions of ourselves, we can cultivate self-compassion, mindfulness, and acceptance to help us navigate the sometimes uncomfortable but ultimately rewarding journey of change.

An Ever-Changing Sense of Identity: A Healthy Part of Growth

Change often brings with it a sense of losing our identity. When we experience significant life events, such as moving to a new city, ending a relationship, changing careers, or navigating personal challenges, it’s common to feel disoriented or unsure of who we are. Our sense of self may feel fractured or distant, like the version of us that existed before these changes no longer exists, or has been forgotten. 

This feeling of losing ourselves isn’t a sign of failure, it’s an inherent part of life. We’re not static beings, we’re constantly evolving and adapting to new experiences. The loss of an old identity is not a sign of something broken, but rather an indication of the natural process of growth and the passing of time. Each phase of our lives calls for us to shed old patterns, beliefs, and habits, making space for new ones. This process can be uncomfortable, but it’s unavoidable, therefore we should learn to accept it.

Mindful Self-Compassion

One of the most important tools we have in navigating change and embracing all versions of ourselves is self-compassion. When we practice self-compassion, we treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, especially in moments of difficulty or when we feel disconnected from who we once were, or who we are presently. Instead of criticizing ourselves for changing or grieving the loss of old identities, we offer ourselves the same care and empathy we would offer a close friend.

Mindfulness keeps us rooted in the present, preventing us from getting lost in comparisons to the past or anxieties about the future. It helps us avoid comparing ourselves to who we once were and protects us from resenting our current selves in favor of an idealized version from the past.

Mindfulness-based self-acceptance is about meeting ourselves where we are in any given moment, without resistance. It encourages us to acknowledge our emotions, including any sadness or discomfort we may feel about change, while also honoring the fact that we’re constantly in a state of becoming. 

Gestalt Therapy: Self as a Verb

Another therapeutic approach that supports this process is Gestalt therapy. In Gestalt therapy, the concept of the self is seen as dynamic and ongoing, viewing the self as a verb rather than a noun. The self is understood as a system of contact, meaning that it acts as a vessel through which we connect with and respond to our environment. In this view, the self is constantly changing and evolving as it interacts with the world around it.

A central principle of Gestalt therapy is its emphasis on the present, the "here and now", rather than dwelling on the past or fixating on the future. In this framework, we come to understand that our sense of identity is fluid and constantly evolving. Each moment, we are different, and we should not become attached to any one version of ourselves, including the version we are living as right now.

Gestalt therapy also encourages us to embrace our wholeness, integrating all aspects of ourselves as we work towards restoring balance in our lives. If we remain focused on past versions or potential future versions of who we are, we hinder our ability to fully engage with the present moment.

Radical Acceptance: Letting Go of Resistance

Alongside these practices, radical acceptance, a concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, can help us make peace with who we are right now. Radical acceptance involves fully embracing ourselves and our circumstances as they are, without judgment or resistance. It’s not about passively accepting everything, but about recognizing the reality of our current situation without fighting against it.

When we practice radical acceptance, we let go of the need to compare ourselves to past versions. We stop resisting the changes that are unfolding in our lives. Instead of wishing we could be the person we once were, we focus on honoring the person we are now, and embracing how the present version of ourselves is subject to change as well. Radical acceptance frees us from the cycle of self-criticism and helps us move forward with a sense of peace.

Embracing Change as Part of Our Journey

The beauty of change is that it opens up new opportunities for growth, creativity, and self-discovery. As we let go of old versions of ourselves, we make room for new experiences, new strengths, and new perspectives. Embracing change doesn’t mean we’ve lost who we are; it means we’re expanding and evolving.

By incorporating self-compassion, mindfulness, understanding ourselves as fluid, and radical acceptance, we can learn to embrace each stage of our journey with grace and curiosity. Rather than mourning the past or feeling uncertain about the future, we can appreciate the beauty of becoming, the continuous process of evolving into who we are meant to be. Change is not something to fear or resist, but something to celebrate as part of the ongoing story of who we are.

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https://www.skylandtrail.org/accepting-reality-using-dbt-skills/

https://positivepsychology.com/mindful-self-compassion/